The conference building couldn’t warm up. People wore their coats all day in stark, windowless rooms under fluorescent lighting.

It was a useful reminder of my past life: I walked around the conference sporting an alarmingly rosy glow from frozen, outraged cheeks, offering a chapped paw to new colleagues, sneaking off to blow my almost constantly bleeding nose, and then returning to squirm in my seat because every inch of my skin was irritated from the 0% humidity even though I limited my shower to 2 minutes under cool water in an already cold bathroom because hot water just dries me out more.

When I would check in a mirror to see if my bloody nose was obvious I would note the lank, straggly hair that used to be thick and wavy and the eyes swollen from a night in conventional bedding that apparently houses 200 times the allergens that my Mérida hammock manages to attract. I would stare at my dismal, aged self and remember that all this used to be normal life for me.

And then someone would innocently ask me where I live.

“I live in a tropical area in Mexico,” I would say, smiling sweetly while they huddled miserably in their parka. “I moved to a charming city where it’s always warm, rented a nice house with avocado and orange trees, set up a sunny home office, and lost 25 pounds.”

I can now say that there appears to be a market for “How to leave the North” webinars.

I had heard rumors of diatomaceous earth being sold from a place near the market, but they said they didn’t carry it and that I should check Home Depot (again!). It was nowhere to be seen at Home Depot and staff had never heard of it, but they did have “Ortho Ant-Stop Plus.”

The active ingredient is “permetrina” or permethrin. I was encouraged, perhaps stupidly, by the “slightly toxic” label.

It’s a synthetic chemical toxic to cats and fish, but it’s safe enough to other mammals to be used in human shampoos for lice. You sprinkle it on ant trails and mounds, and it certainly kills ants.

I also took the covers off some outlets and worked some powder into the wall openings.

Cleaning up the powder and little corpses was a pain, and now, just one day later, a few smarter ants have appeared, running on vertical surfaces that I can’t powder, such as from one wall outlet to another.

There’s also a colony living high above my head in a ceiling fixture that I can’t reach. They keep their house clean by constantly dumping grit and who knows what onto the floor of my house.

So while I’m enjoying a clear reduction in ants, it’s also clear that there are colonies outside my reach showing the same obsession with electricity that cost me a modem and nearly cost me a laptop.

The powder helps relieve symptoms, but I don’t think it’s going to solve the problem. Now I’m thinking “exterminator.”

Air time for an Amigo phone (and probably others): Prepaid.com. They take a small commission, which was about 3 pesos the last time I added 100 pesos to my phone.

Cablemás: You need to register first. You’ll get an email notification that your payment is due, and you can pay online. The payment sometimes fails for unexplained and probably inexplicable reasons. If that happens, you’ll get a message saying that you should try again later, which so far has worked for me.

Japay (water): You’ll need your contract number.

CFE (electric): You need to register first (it’s instant). You’ll need the name that appears on the bill as well as the service number. It looks like CFE will send a bill by email. I’ve just signed up so can’t report on whether that works.

The CFE interface is non-standard. Here’s how it should look if you want to get the bill in your email.

These phrases might be more polite than necessary, but to me that’s a better “error” than too much informality. They’re designed to counter a few complaints I’ve heard about extranjeros sometimes seeming demanding, which I assume comes from a simple lack of knowledge, which is easy to fix.

There are many ways to say the following phrases. I chose one way for each situation so the formulas would be easy to memorize, and they’ve received the stamp of approval from a polite native speaker.

ASKING FOR INFORMATION

In other countries, it can be acceptable to walk up to a stranger and say, “Where’s the (whatever)?” Here, the relationship takes priority over the task, so a little more schmoozing is expected.

1. Approach a stranger to ask a question

1. Pause. Are they talking to someone else and you haven’t noticed yet? While you’re pausing, let go of any irritation or impatience you might have.
2. If you already have their attention, say, “Buenos días” or “Buenas tardes/noches.” If you need to catch their attention, say “Disculpe” (“Excuse me”).
3. Then say, “Una pregunta.”

2. Ask your question
Here’s a handy formula: Say “¿Me podría decir…” (“Could you tell me…”) followed by the question you learned in Spanish class, such as “dónde está el baño?” Examples:

• ¿Me podría decir dónde está el cajero automático más cercano? = Could you tell me where the closest ATM is?
• ¿Me podría decir dónde puedo encontrar el camión que va a la Plaza Altabrisa? = Could you tell me where I can find the bus to Altabrisa Mall?
• ¿Me podría decir a qué hora empieza la función? = Could you tell me what time the show starts?

3. Thank them
“Gracias” works, of course. Some useful additions:

• “Muy amable,” often tacked on to “gracias” for “Gracias, muy amable” = Thanks, that’s very nice of you.
• “Que tenga una buena tarde/noche” or “Que tenga un buen día” = Have a good afternoon/evening/day.

Example

You’re looking for a restaurant called Las Piratas, where you’re supposed to meet a friend for lunch. She told you it was on the corner of 56 and 49 but it’s not there. You’ve been walking a lot, it’s hot, and you’re getting annoyed. There’s a mechanic’s shop nearby, and the workers are taking a break outside.

You walk toward them and pause. They notice you and stop talking to each other.

You say, smiling and forgetting your irritation, “Buenas tardes.”

“Buenas tardes,” they say.

“Una pregunta,” you say.

The workers look at you expectantly.

“¿Me podrían decir dónde está el restaurante Las Piratas?”

They consult among themselves and tell you that it’s two blocks east.

“Gracias, muy amables,” you say.

You could head directly to the restaurant then, but since you’ve been polite, it’s possible that one of the mechanics will strike up a conversation with you, maybe asking, “Where are you from?” If your Spanish is up for it, you might have a brief chat about how quiet Mérida is, how long the mechanic’s shop has been here, what used to be in the location of the current Las Piratas, and so on, because you always have a couple of minutes for a chat.

MAKING A REQUEST

General requests: Assuming the person’s job is to serve you (waiter, taxi dispatcher, etc.), you can use a “¿podría…” formula like the one above, but this time use the verb that describes what you want the person to do. Examples:

• ¿Me podría traer la cuenta, por favor? = Could you bring me the check, please?
• ¿Me podría mandar un taxi, por favor? = Could you send me a taxi, please?

Ordering in a restaurant: It’s grammatical to say “Quiero…” but it can make you sound like a three-year-old. Try one of the following instead.

• Quisiera el poc chuc, por favor = I would like the poc chuc, please. (Pronounce it kee-see-AIR-a)
• ¿Me podría traer el poc chuc? = Could you bring me the poc chuc?

Don’t say “yo.” It’s obvious that you’re talking about what you want, and grammatically it’s almost never necessary. If you say “yo” unnecessarily, you’re emphasizing yourself like a young child might (“I want flan!”).

EXCUSE ME, OOPS, SORRY

Moving through a crowded area: Say, “Con permiso” (“with your permission”) and wait for people to make room. The people you addressed will step aside and might say “Es propio.” Personal space here is small, so you might not get the big space you hoped for.

You’ve bumped someone, stepped on their foot, etc.: “¡Perdón!”

To catch someone’s attention: “Disculpe” (“Excuse me”)

You didn’t hear or understand what someone just said: “¿Mande?”

LOTS MORE

Here are more tips on being polite:

• Being Polite in Spanish Matters — emphasis on Mexico
• Manners in Spanish — more global
• How Not to Sound Like a Gringo — mostly pronunciation but also cultural tips; also some typos
• Polite Phone Spanish

My favorites:

• I’m going to fornicate a little coyote — Me voy a echar un coyotito (I’m going to take a nap)
• Are you going to can or what? — ey tú, vas a poder o qué? (which is it? Can you or not?)
• Grab your goats! — Agarra tus chivas! (take your things and git)
• Waters! — Aguas! (Careful!)
• It falls of mothers — me cae de madres (This is great! Or I’m sure it will work out)

Some quotes that stood out to me:

• “The foreigners don’t socialize with their neighbors; they keep to themselves.”
• “They are very isolated.”
• “We would like to know them better.”
• “We just see them walk by, but we don’t know who they are!”
• “I would like them to support us by coming in to buy from our tiendita.”

You don’t have to live in the centro — tienditas are everywhere. I use Superama every ten days or so, but I walk to the closest tiendita for daily shopping. They carry an amazing variety of stuff in a small space, and the owners are friendlier than the cashiers at Superama. Recently, I’ve bought:

• milk
• eggs
• butter
• scrubby sponge
• muriatic acid
• hand soap
• dish soap
• toilet paper
• snacks of all kinds, both good and, um, different

They also carry Microdyn, office supplies, handy bits of rope, matches, phone cards, stickers for the kids….

On expat forums I often see pleas for sources of specific food items, like a particular brand of ketchup or pickles. Life will be simpler and the tienditas will be stronger if more of us develop a taste for the food that’s widely available here. Mayonnaise with lime is good, not an outrage. Milk in asceptic cartons tastes fresher than the stuff exposed to light in plastic jugs. And unrefrigerated eggs are perfectly OK, people, perfectly OK!

Also, obviously, it helps to learn Spanish.

Jorge Fichtl, Manager of Amate English Language Bookstore, extends an invitation to the Mérida international community to attend a gathering from 7-10 PM at Amate on Friday, January 20th. Amate is on the corner of Calle 60 X 51, Centro.

The purpose of the gathering is to explore ideas for making Amate a true cultural center and a meeting place for Mérida residents. There will be some break-out groups to discuss pre-selected topics, but any and all ideas are welcome.

Beverages will be offered with a suggested donation. Contribution of botanas would be appreciated.

Kindly send an RSVP to Jorge at amatebookmerida -at- gmail -dot- com, or call 924 3507, so he can plan accordingly.

By 85mm.ch on Flickr

Mérida’s prostitutes

Go to the Macay museum next to the cathedral and see the exhibit “Las Mujeres Decentes,” which includes moving interviews in Spanish with many of Mérida’s sex workers. They explain why they chose or ended up in prostitution and give us a brief glimpse of what their lives are like.

Then, if you want, go see the the block where the prostitutes work. Mérida’s zona de tolerancia is on calle 58 in the centro and appears to be concentrated between calles 71 and 73. At 7 pm on a Saturday night, there were several sex workers sitting in what seemed to be sisterly groups, chatting and waiting for work. On the walk there, we had to steer around some excitement involving a lot of police, so take your wits with you.

Mexico’s cops

Next, go see “Bala Mordida,” currently playing in Cinépolis theaters. You’ll need advanced Spanish for this one. It’s an intelligent, gripping film about corruption at all levels in the DF police. The characters are complex, going beyond the evil-corrupt-guy stereotypes, and while the story is fictional, it has supposedly been labeled believable by actual police. As you might expect, there’s some violence and an impressive amount of swearing.

Go global

Finally, brace yourself and go see “Secretos Peligrosos,” playing on Cinépolis and Cinemex screens (for US audiences, “The Whistleblower”). Here’s the synopsis from the Internet Movie Database:

Inspired by true events, Kathy (Rachel Weisz) is an American police officer who takes a job working as a peacekeeper in post-war Bosnia. Her expectations of helping to rebuild a devastated country are dashed when she uncovers a dangerous reality of corruption, cover-up and intrigue amid a world of private contractors and multinational diplomatic doubletalk.

The corruption is sex trafficking, and the story will be painfully familiar to anyone who has been keeping track of the issues that follow UN peacekeepers. The movie is mostly in English; when other languages are spoken (rarely), the subtitles are in Spanish here in Mérida.

This movie is one of the most difficult films I’ve ever watched, but I think we all need to see it.

Angry because they haven’t clearly accounted for their funds, a large group of US-ians [sic] protested yesterday at the doors of the English Library, on 53rd street between 66 and 68 in the Centro.

The dissent by the members of this group caused the closure of the street where the library and a club function. The foreigners, based in Yucatán, got permission from the Municipal Police to close the street.

The protest began in the morning and ended a little after one in the afternoon, at which time the way was reopened to vehicles. This closure joined others in the first quarter of the city, as we describe in a separate news item. [the closures were for construction]

They are upset with their board because they allege the disappearance of $1,500,000 [pesos] from the Mérida English Language Library, a group with 900 US members. Most of the foreigners are based in this city. Some live in the US and in the winter travel to Yucatán.

Among the directors, they mention José Martínez and Malena Peón, Mexicans who were made directors of the group.

Also [they mentioned] Chloe Pacheco, Surrat Williams [sic] and Raymund Branham [sic], “who wouldn’t show their faces” to clarify whether or not they received money from their predecessors.

The first complaints were the disappearance of $400,000, but the amount grew. They’re also upset because several members were fired as administrators. This place is a gathering and entertainment place.

Among expats, the problem has been amplified by strong emotions, lack of transparency, and some people who appear to have agendas. The emotional nature of the issue was already reflecting badly on the expat community, and I’m dismayed that emotions have reached such a pitch that public accusations are now being broadcast to a much wider audience.

I hope that no one actually contacted the Diario to ask for coverage, because the situation is already a PR mess for the library and for all expats. As shown by the reporter’s assumption that everyone involved is from the US, it’s human nature to make assumptions about groups of people based on the actions or statements of a few.

My pathetic plea

Please, everyone involved, treat this as the professional problem it is. It’s an organizational problem caused by a lack of professional structure and behavior, which is common in volunteer organizations. While emotions are clearly running high, the long-term solution will come from more professionalism from all involved, not statements and acts driven by emotion.

I respect the intentions of people who want to protest publicly. However, I would ask them to consider carefully what they hope to achieve by bringing the organization’s problems to a broad audience that has nothing to do with the library but does form and act on opinions about foreigners.

And free consulting! Worth every penny.

I haven’t posted here recently because I’ve been unusually busy with my business. Ironically, the clients I’m focusing on right now are a corporation with an ethics problem and a business that helps expat professionals manage cultural differences. (I help companies solve performance problems.)

I’m an outsider in the library issue. I helped the library with one problem for several weeks as a volunteer last year, and I saw what I felt were organizational and cultural issues. As a result, I didn’t become an official volunteer or join the library. I was a regular participant and contributor to the weekly English-Spanish night and I know and respect people who are more involved in the library.

If I put on my consultant hat and look at the library, I see an organization that started small and grew organically without setting up the structure needed for its size, which is an extremely common situation. And as in all volunteer organizations, the people who offer their time feel strongly about the organization and want to feel like their contribution is valued.

As a result of these conditions, the library seems to have the following problems:

• Lack of the formal structure and transparency needed to ensure accountability and trust
• Abuse of that lack of structure
• Strong sense of ownership by many people, not just those in official decision-making roles
• Resulting culture of mistrust, emotionally charged commmunication, and perceived or actual scapegoating

Dealing with the structural problems should be straightforward. The expat and Yucatecan communities include many people who know how to organize a professional, accountable organization.

The larger challenge will be to change the internal culture of the library to calm emotions and improve professionalism. Calls to completely replace the board are understandable but not a guarantee, because replacing the few people at the top doesn’t change the entire culture of an organization.

I doubt that all of today’s strong emotions were caused by a handful of people on the board. For example, I saw unprofessional behavior by a few volunteers during my short time there.

To create long-term change, everyone involved with the library, including outside commenters like me, would have to commit to professional standards of communication and respectful behavior, with prominent volunteers and board members leading the way by modeling that behavior.

Some people say that only official members of the library have a right to discuss its problems. However, the library is a public face of expats here, and public actions and statements by foreigners involved with the library reflect on all expats.

Lyrics in Spanish and English